Leaving the bully behind: why kids stay silent about bullying

 

  1. Bully Official Trailer #1 – Weinstein Company Movie (2012) HD 

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1g9RV9OKhgFeb 21, 2012 - 2 min - Uploaded by movieclipsTRAILERS
    Bully Official Trailer #1 – Weinstein Company Movie (2012) HD This year, over 5 million American kids will 

 

Christian Science Monitor

Modern Parenthood

Leaving the bully behind: why kids stay silent about bullying

With “Bully” the movie coming out in theaters later this week, Modern Parenthood is thinking about bullying and how to help a child who is dealing with a bullying.

By , Guest blogger

 

A lot of adults wonder why kids don’t often reveal that they’ve encountered a bully, or why they don’t tell a parent or “trusted adult”  that they’re experiencing bullying.

“He said it was that he didn’t want to bring that home. Like, he wanted to walk in the door and just be a normal, regular kid,” his mother, Jean Cheese, told NPR host Michel Martin. “And he also really kind of felt ashamed of how he was treated and was worried about how I would see it or how my husband would see and what our reaction to it would be.”

Seattle-based Committee for Children offers more reasons. And the Youth Voice Project found, after surveying 12,000 students throughout the US, that the advice we adults typically give kids – e.g., “tell the person how you feel,” “walk away,” “tell the person to stop,” “pretend it doesn’t bother you” – did make things worse for the respondents “much more often than they made things better.”

What helped? The survey found that, when an adult is brought in, the Top 3 most helpful things were “listened to me,” “gave me advice” on how to handle the situation, and “checked in with me afterwards to see if the behavior stopped.” Very often that helper adult is someone at school.

The Top 3 ways friends or peers could help “Spent time with me,” “Talked to me,” and “Helped me get away.” And note this about peers: The Youth Voice Project authors found that “positive peer actions were strikingly more likely to be rated more helpful than were positive self actions or positive adult actions.” PHOTO

So if we want our children to involve us and if we want to help, our course of action seems quite clear: listen a lot, calmly, and collaborate with our children on developing a plan for dealing with the problem. If we go in “with guns blazing,” as Ms. Wiseman put it in a 2010 interview, we really can make things worse for our kids – and we’ll only give them more reason to avoid adult intervention.

To read the article in its entireity click on the link below:

Leaving the bully behind: why kids stay silent about bullying – CSMonitor.com

 

 

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